Wikileaks (according to Pakistan’s Newspapers)

By now (if you are not living under a rock and hiding from predator drones) the gentle readers would be intimately familiar with the whole Pakistani Newspapers-Wikileaks saga. What surprises me is that the news article (which I first came across in The Nation) sounded obviously fake even after a cursory skimming. For example, one of the gems was that an Indian police officer was somehow assassinated fortuitously by India during the Mumbai attacks in a pre-planned operation for threatening to reveal the nexus between Hindu fanatic groups and the Indian army to an American diplomat.

Whew!!

And no, I am not claiming in hindsight that it was easy to spot that the article was fake, please refer to my fourth cousin’s tweets immediately after reading the articles.

This hurried blog post is not about how Pakistani newspapers should verify their sources. This post is not about how even bizarre conspiracy theories find traction in the minds of the public and the media if it somehow fits into the accepted narrative about India .

This blog post is about Zafar Hilaly’s Op-ed in the Express Tribune. It is clear that the distinguished “analyst”  has bought the entire article hook, line and sinker and gives out foreign policy prescriptions and value judgements about India and the USA. After suffering through his previous enlightening articles, I am compelled to respond to his latest.

I wish to tell Mr Hilaly, the honorable Ex-ambassador to Yemen, Italy and Nigeria:

DIYAR MR HILALY

I AM MR MOBUTU ADAMS, PERSONAL SECRETARY OF HIS HIGHNESS THE LATE MR ODIAKA, WHO HAS ENTRUSTED A SUM OF 50 MILLION US DOLLAR FORTUNE. I GOT YOUR EMAIL THROUGH AN INTERMEDIARY WHO SPOKE TO ME HIGHLY OF YOUR INTEGRITY, INTELLECT AND JUDGEMENT.

I AM WRITING TO REQUEST A FAVOR FROM YOU. FOR SAFEKEEPING OF THE MONEY AND TO MOVE IT FROM NIGERIA, I AM IN NEED OF A HONEST, INTELLIGENT AND RESOURCEFUL PERSON SUCH AS YOURSELF AND AM WILLING TO SHARE 50% OF THE FORTUNE. TO HELP ME IN THIS ENDEAVOR, PLEASE WRITE A COLUMN IN THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE WITH A COPY OF THIS LETTER, YOUR BANK ACCOUNT NUMBER, DATE OF BIRTH, BANK DETAILS, A COPY OF YOUR SIGNATURE, AGE, ADDRESS AND FULL LEGAL NAME.

I AWAIT YOUR URGENT REPLY

YOURS SACHLY
MAJOR.

Hopefully if he demonstrates the same level of gullibility, he will fall for that and I will be rich soon.

PS> The Nation’s version of Wikileaks should immediately be reproduced word for word in Class 6 biology textbooks and taught to all school children since they seem to be much better than the history we teach them.

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