How to Borrow Money Phrom Your Unkil

So you dont have a job, the roof of your house has collapsed, your kids keep setting your car on phyrr and you dont have any money. Fikar not! Everyone has a rich unkil! But how do I get money phrom unkil you pooch? Fikar not again! Yours sachly happens to be an expert. Yours sachly has an unkil. Unkil Samad. I fondly called Unkil Sam and have extorted much money phrom him. Here is a list oph things that worked.

1. Does your Unkil own a business? In which case, has it ever lost money and has your unkil taken loans and/or borrowed from his kids to cover for the losses? If so, DEMAND money like it is your birthright!! How do I demand you pooch? Fikar not. You can uje the eloquent words oph Hussain Haqqani:

“A company at the verge of failure is quite clearly able to get a bigger bailot than a nation that has been accused of failure,” Ambassador Husain Haqqani said in remarks at a Washington think tank…”That’s something that in this town needs a review”. Pakistan and Afghanistan deserve more resources than “some failed insurance company or some car company whose achievement is that they couldn’t make cars that they could sell,” said Haqqani.

As you might have no doubt observed, having a sense oph entitlement while simultaneously making fun oph Unkil’s failed business ventures can be quite helpful. Also please to note that companies making stuff they cant sell is funny, doing that at a country-level is a different and quite serious issue altogether. Blease to 400% make sure you lose that irony.

2. Unkil still not convinced? Hint that your hungry kids will burn his house down! How to do that with straight face you pooch? Fikar not! Shah Mahmood Qureshi to the rescue!!

“We are not going to allow them (terrorists) to take advantage or exploit this natural disaster,” Qureshi told reporters in New York yesterday. The result “depends on how effective and quick the response is. That is why it is so important that the international assistance comes immediately.”

But ij using your poor destitute childrens as selling points and hinting that they might become terrorijts a honorable thing to do you pooch? Joo idiot! Do you want the money or not? If you care about haanaar that much, restore it by beheading your wiphe.

3. Okay scared Unkil gives you money but insists that you fix your roof and wants to send his servant to make sure your kids dont burn his house. Now what to do?

Simbal! Protest hugely about how you know how to spend his money, arrest his servant and tell your kids you have been dishonored! Then do what you ujually do with the money and when it runs out, back to step 1! Isnt this fun?!

And oh, encourage your kids and turn a blind eye when they burn his house down anyway to show that you haven’t lost any honor due to shameless borrowing!


13 thoughts on “How to Borrow Money Phrom Your Unkil

  1. Kids will burn your home too in future if burning is the only lesson they have been taught!
    And if they consider you as a economic burden in future(as you age), they might burn you too!

  2. N O HE D I D N O T!!! Freaking unbelievable! Did Hussain Haqqani guy really made fun of American industry while simultaneously asking for economic assistance. That is not even chutzpah.
    That is just crass..

  3. You are simply the best.

    Each one is a gem by itself.

    Always a pleasure to read your blog post.

    God Bless you. Incase you an atheist do not take offense. I only mean well for you.

    Anil Kohli

  4. this is what poor old boy, Holbrooke, said after, meeting Haqqni and Qureshi , ” Now i know what the term Moral hazard is all about”

  5. What a beautiful system the Pakistani Leadaran have designed! Can’t help but marvel at the simplicity, sophistication, and complete and total effectiveness of it.

  6. Pingback: » Blog Archive »

  7. Major…. you are brilliant as usual…

    Such high Soch .. Wah wah…you need to be promoted to Karnal…

    Asking Unkil has been a fine art practiced for decades with our middle east brethren, the Ameerkhan are just beginning to realise what Moral Hazard is all about,

    Don’t believe me…. Tauba Tauba…… ask the Houbara Bustard (if you can find any..)

    Haqqani uncle is so right in saying

    “Whose achievement is that they couldn’t make cars that they could sell,” said Haqqani.”

    Bee are Pakstaan, Bee will take care to issue so many hunting permits such that the birds can be Qatl e Aam… How dare you protest…don’t you know the birds are Jooish…

    What are a few dead birds and ravaged Baluchistan if it can help “Holier than thou” Arab Chacha get it up

    Read Mary Anne Weaver’s excellent account about it.

  8. What to say but to give Major some fine agricultural lands, golf club membership, and genral promoshuns phor such fine writings. Brought tears (uph laughter) to mines eyes.

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