Herps Fueled Thoughts – 1

Hina Rabbani Khar’s appointment as the foreign minister was met by a collective “meh”. Intelligentsia were quick to point out her privileged entry into politics and lament the lack of choices. Some wrote articles arguing why a woman in a position of power need not yield dividends for betterment of women as a whole in Pakistan.

Indian media’s fawning over her has changed all that, and suddenly she is a poster girl for woman power — one who can carry her Birkin bag and Pakistan’s position on Kashmir with equal grace. One has to admire Indian media’s ability to grant legitimacy to Pakistani public figures. The last time it was in full display in Agra in 2001, it shored up Musharraf’s fortune and Pakistan had to live with him for the next seven years.

Indian media with its short attention span, will move on to the next headline-worthy news item. Maybe IPL, next fast unto death or the telecom scam. Pakistan on the other hand, will be stuck with the same FM with her new found legitimacy whose only notable achievement so far, like Musharraf before her, is impressing a bunch of fawning Indian journalists.

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Lone Wolf is Lonely

So one Mr Walid Zafar Teets:

@WeeZieInc When a Muslim commits terror, every Muslim in the world somehow shares responsibility. When it’s a white Christian, he’s always a lone wolf.

Which is representative of many teets on teetar, made yours sachly 400% agree and wallow in deep sadness at the loneliness of the lone wolf unfortunate enough to be born in a cold Scandinavian country. Such loneliness will never happen in warmer places inhabited by purer people where every one will definitely share responsibility. Off the  top of my head I can assert that:

  1. The interior minister of Norway is unlikely to insinuate that an Israeli weapon was used and take care of the image of his own people.
  2. The Bresident oph Norway probably wont deny on Larry King that the shooter was a Norwegian and stand up for his rights. I soch this is becase Larry King show ended. Also the President is bigoted.
  3. I also soch that the killer probably wont be garlanded by the lawyers.
  4. The barbaric Norwegian bolis will probably never leak myoojic videos oph him in Jail.
  5. The equally barbaric Norwegian army wont have the guts to sign beace treaties with the Christian right.
  6. Neither are they large hearted enough to promulgate rule oph Pible in Norwegian provinces.
  7. Norwegian people are probably lazy. The society probably wont rise up and demand his release.
  8. The killer probably wont be getting any stipend in Jail from the Norwegian government either.
  9. Nor will he get any subbort from the Judges.
  10. Norwegian jingos will probably overly gloriphy the victims and not take a balanced view.

With so little subbort phrom the political leadership of Norway, the Norwegian Police, the Norwegian Army, the Norwegian Government, it Lawyers, Judges and the Society at large, the killer is probably very lonely. This will never happen in Pakistan where every one — irrespective of whether they are Politicians, Army, Police, Lawyers, Judges or just common ordinary Pakistanis — will pitch in and make sure that the killer doesn’t feel lonely at all. The citizens would all collectively ensure that the killer is very well taken care of, and the responsibilities of his legal, economic and social well being will be somehow be shared equally by everyone*.

Another one of many reasons why the west is so corrupt and under decline and one of the many proofs of our collective sense of shared responsibility which makes us all united and unfailingly stand up for one of our own. Proud to say that there are no wolves that are lonely among the pure.


*Except for the mythical silent majority, which like the Himalayan Yeti has never been seen at all. Which means either it never existed, is probably dead or hiding with fear in a cave somewhere.

Pasha Conquers Washington–A Quick Note

There have been a spate of articles recently in the press, following Gen Ahmad Shuja Pasha’s visit to the US, which yours sachly will summarize for your convenience:

US is convinced that it cannot win without Pakistan’s assistance in Afghanistan, and therefore invited Pasha to the US. US agreed to resume aid, apologized profusely for its actions, promised take Pakistan’s sensitivities into account and assured that it would give Pakistan a larger say in the future of Afghanistan. Large hearted Pasha gracefully accepted this offer, and issued a few ultimatums and warnings which made all of American civilian and security staff tremble and sweat. They gave him and the people of Pakistan a pony as a parting gift.

Which just goes on to prove my hypothesis:

Pasha personally carried reports of progress made by the ISI to determine if any members of the ISI/Armed forces were complicit in hiding Osama Bin Laden. US made a few more demands and stated that further progress in this investigation is the litmus test for resumption of military aid. Following the visit, ISPR planted a few articles to cast ISI in a positive light.

In case you missed the conclusion:

THERE IS NO PONY.

On the Importance of Pakistan-US Relationship

I have been reading the various articles and analysis about the recent suspension of US military aid to Pakistan. The narrative of most of the articles seem to converge along the lines of:

U.S.-Pakistan relationship is so vital for success in Afghanistan, stability of Pakistan and defeat of terror that I cannot imagine why U.S. would be so short sighed and not value this relationship.

All of which makes eminent sense to me, but I am more than a bit annoyed (could you tell?). The reason is simple: Let us, for a minute assume that the relationship is valuable to the U.S., to Pakistan and to the rest of the world. Let me jog your memories by randomly picking out – from the top of my head – instances which reflect the value Pakistan places in this relationship*.

  • Pakistan halted NATO convoys for several days, leading to several tankers being set on fire
  • Pakistan establishment did the Raymond Davis drama for an extended period of time
  • Gilani and Kayani are rumored to have advised Karzai to ditch the U.S. and throw in his lot with China
  • Pasha had his famous outburst against U.S. in the assembly
  • GHQ released a strongly worded statement exhorting U.S. to re-allocate aid to the civilians
  • The establishment instigated much drama over conditions in the Kerry-Lugar act

    Not a week goes by without some section of Pakistan rioting against some incident involving the US (Aafiya anyone?) some section of the establishment releasing vaguely threatening statements, some section of columnists, analysts and ex-diplomats playing the China card and so on.

    If Pakistan has dispensed with the practice of haranguing in private and crossed the Rubicon to using public threats, instigated anti-Americanism and coercion in its dealing with the U.S., why the surprise at the reciprocity from the U.S.? Why does it come as a surprise that the U.S. does not value its relationship with Pakistan and fundamentally hates Pakistan as much as Pakistan hates the U.S.? If it is not a surprise, then why the strong tone of indignation all these articles?


    *I am charitably ignoring the shady role played by the agencies vis-à-vis OBL, Mullah Baradar, SSS affair since there is “no proof” of this.

Will Suspension of US Aid Hurt Pakistan More or Hurt US More?

After reading insightful analysis by Pakistani commentators and analysts, I have created a quick poll to analyze the intricate nuances of the suspension of US aid to Pakistan to understand why US suspending aid to Pakistan is a bad idea and the likely consequences of this action.