The Year That Was – Part 4 (Oct-Dec)

Yours sachly wanted to write a blog post summarizing the events of the year past. Since he never got around to it, here is a collection of tweets from yours sachly’s fourth cousin which summarizes the events.


Zardari had his customary Op-ed in Washingtonpost

Zardari oped in Washington Bost!! I have to admit, @husainhaqqani writes well

Amreekis should leave the region so Pakistan can complain that Amreekis left the region.

Was followed by the customary Rehman-Malikism

Rehman Malik "no negotiations if the insurgents held AK in one hand." Exberts use both hands to hold AK for stability!!

If someone holds an AK in one hand, claims to be an extremist and wants negoshiashuns — he is lying. He is not a properly trained extremist

And some Cricket

So the retired current ex-captain is the ex-retired current ex-captain.

Gaddafi died

OKAY IT IS CONPHIRMED!! Bositive Neuj!! Gaddafi captured and killed and it was NOT near Pakistan Military Academy!! Repeat: NOT near PMA!!

Mother-in-Law visited

Last time Clinton sahiba visited, she alleged that OBL was in Pakistan. I bet she won’t have the guts to make that accusashun in this visit.

My advice to Clinton Sahiba: If you want to take Pakistanis on in a debate, blease to train with Yindian Saas-Bahu serials. We are exberts.

Steve Jobs book was released

Steve Jobs "time in India taught me intuition"  Hmph!! If he had visited Pak he would have learned how to save on taxes

Mushy and IK start politicking

Taken at the Imran Khan rally todin (photu)

To Beepuls who suggest the photu is fake, it is 400% original!! I made it myself in photushop!

Musharraph: "Pakistan bending backwards to invite Afghan" he then added "Pakistan bending forwards to invite Chinese"

My summary oph Musharraph Speech: Fear that Amreeka might leave behind unstable Aphghanistan has caused Pakistan to destabilize Aphghanistan

Saudis get a new Crown prince

Saudi Barbaria has youthful crown brince. Sultan bin Abdul-Aziz was 81 and the new crown brince Nayef bin Abdul Aziz is only 78. Progress!!


People got divorced

Kim Kardashian Marrij just like US-Pakistan strategic relashunship!! It was short, involved a lot of money and people got screwed.

People got caught

Why cant we play a clean Krikit game like the Yindians? Where doing massive corrupshun is taken care of by the organizers?

My idea to Butt & Asif: Immediately release statement supporting Qadri. 400% guaranteed hero welcome back home & lawyers fighting to defend!

Amir conphession and Butt & Asif whining confirms that only Butt and Asif have no balls.

My summary of Courtroom arguments: Amir: "I did it" Asif: "Butt made me do it": Butt: "I offered only moral, bolitical & diplomatic support"

"Rehman Malik directs FIA team & lawyers to reach London and help Pakistani players" Translation: British will be dealt with an iron hand

Butt Song: Roses are red // Violets are Plue // Match is broken? // Let me fix it for you.

You self-righteous A-Hole!! It is cheating *only* if someone takes money and does *not* bowl no-palls. Ever thought of that? Amir was honest

Pakistan, Nukes and Cold Start

"Pakistan Carts Its Nukes Around In Delivery Vans" Thats why they are called "Nuke Delivery Vehicles" you moron!

Sick of "Pakistan’s Nukes are in Danger" Propaganda by the west. Similar to "Osama Hiding in Pakistan" defamashun campaign they mounted.

Cold start is a strategy conceived in the small, cold Yindoo heart. Pakistani strategy should be warm start.


"Jamaatud Dawa free to collect Eid donations" Their Ban status, like Veena Malik’s age, is ambiguous & contradictory.

Greece got bailed out

Can you name a single Greek terrorist? I cant either. Then why is Greece getting all the money? What nonsense!

India offers electricity and free trade

Whoa!! Excited about Phree trade with Yindia!! What are we getting phor free?

In two minds. Electricity phrom Yindia supports Yindian soaps. On the other hand, they are essential phor ISI interrogashun technawlaji

US tries civilize Pakistanis

"US. tries hip hop diplomacy in Pakistan" I soch telling Pakistanis to bust a cap at Police is not the need of the hour

Sick of artecals selling US to Pakistan to "westernize" us. We are already westernized you morons! We emulate Saudi Barbaria on the west

PTA tries to civilize Pakistanis

Words are oph two types. Good words and Bad words. Should talk with the good words and ban the bad words. #PTA

Whoa! Padma (#369 in Urdu list) is banned. I soch Salman Rushdie had a hand in putting that one in.

They also banned FORESKIN. The Brophet banned Foreskin Captain Redundant!!

Why is Niger banned but not Algeria, Libya, Chad, Mali OR Bukina Faso? They are all neighpours of Niger!!

First hints of trouble for Husain Haqqani

My idea: @husainhaqqani should threaten Army that he’ll become Ambassador to China instead oph Ambassador to US if they ask him to do more.

Visited India through Marvi Memon’s tweets

Going to Yindia for a South Asian Youth leadership conference. Hope to teach them some civilization and hopefully get back Cashmere.

First, Dilli. Airplane just landed in Dilli. Runway looks just like those in Pakistan. A bit shorter in length and the asphalt a bit darker.

So we share the same kind of runways.

Documentary program "Khuda Gawah" on TV. Exposes Yindian strategy of enticing Afghanistan into its orbit  #YindiaVisit

Let me hasten to add I avoid all Yindian programmes. I could be persuaded to watch if Cashmere is returned though. #YindiaVisit

For someone who boycotted indian music due to principles, "sheila ki jawani" sounds pretty okay. #YindiaVisit

Yindian Bollywood songs seem to be shorter in length and darker in mood than Pakistani Bollywood songs #YindiaVisit

Had chai for breakfast. Yindian chai like Pakistani chai, except it is darker and served in shorter cups. #YindiaVisit

This shah rukh khan looks identical to our Bollywood shah rukh khan. #YindiaVisit

Irregularity filled, corruption ridden land distribution to poor. No army like efficiency for allotting plots. #YindiaVisit

5 lakh ride train in Dilli & no ambulances. REPEAT 5 Lakh, no ambulance. That is 5 lakh, no ambulance. Ppl could misuse info.#YindiaVisit

Wrenching poverty causes women to get into degrading professions. Saw song of one "munni" who became badnaam.#YindiaVisit

Got a calendar from Hurriyat Grandpa. He seems to have several.#YindiaVisit

Yindian youth brainwashed that Pakistan created only in 1947!! Pakistan was formed 4.5 Billion years ago with the rest of earth#YindiaVisit

More trouble for Husain Haqqani

Jernail Pasha. DG CSISI.

US Army got OBL you say?! Bah! Pakistan Army got@husainhaqqani !! TAKE that and DESPAIR Amreeka!!

The important question to answer in #memogate is who was Maha Siddiqui? Did she really marry Shoaib? Hopefully ISI can answer this too.

Memogate song: Roses are red // Violets are plue // Please to not challenge // Army’s right to Cooo

"@ijazulhaq A lesson for all of you too. Be careful of what you say on Twitter" Most of all be carephul of accepting mangoes phrom strangers

Salala Incident

If NATO wanted to attack Pakistani soldiers they should atleast have had the decency to send in deniable proxies.


Ashura, traditional celebrations and traditional blasts

Ashura is the traditional festival celeprated to mark the commencement oph Shia hunting season in Pakistan.

Whoa!! Cylinder blast!! My advice: please to check pressure, valves and proximity oph Shia processions.


That reminds me. A Monkey’s Asha was shattered when it was arrested when it crossed the border. #AMonkeyAsha

Another Son of Pakistan arrested

Whoa!! Fai pleads guilty!! Before US accuses ISI of illegal influence, they should realize that Pakistan itself victim of ISI influence

Fai says he got 3.5 million $ but didnt lobby phor Pakistan. OUTRAGED!! HE STOLE ALL OUR MONEY!!

More propaganda that India won in 1971

It took 14 days phor army to prove they suck at phyting. And about 30 years to prove that they suck at governing too.

It is time we got past the 71 fiasco, come together as a nation and rewrite our destiny. And history books. We won in 71.

Government under attack from multiple directions

Aphter his wife died he became dejected sucked at governance and wrecked the economy. His son who helped him was a bumbling fool.

His subordinates conspired with jernails to overthrow him and there was anarchy all around.

Joo thought I was talking about Mughal empire? Sorry, was reading neuj.

People threatened by 9mm guns

Those twits boasting about their 9mm: Meet Mr 9 inches!

Year ends!

Mens of teetar, in the new year, pick up courage and tell the wimmens how much you love them. Preferably in DM with SMS lingo.

Wimmens of teetar, ignore creepy guys who DM in SMS lingo. Talk to nice people, like yours sachly.