Appeal to Nobel Peace Prize Committee to Award All Their Prizes to Pakistani People Going About Their Daily Business While Living in Pakistan (and Malala)

Pakistani netizens have started an online petition for Nobel peace prize for Malala. I enthusiastically support this move. Since Pakistan is not going to win Nobel prize for chemistry, medicine and economics anytime soon, the best shot is to win a prize in physics for water car or thar coal, or for peace.

However, everyone should understand that the nomination process is unlikely to succeed if Pakistanis are not clear why they are nominating Malala. On the other hand if we truly understand why Malala deserves a prize, we can win a lot more prizes!!

Nominating malala is a tricky process: If we nominate malala for wanting to go to school, all schoolkids all over the world (except pink floyd influenced ones) would qualify and pose some heavy competition. On the other hand, If we nominate her for wanting to go to school while being a girl all schoolgirls all over the world would qualify and pose a slightly lower but nonetheless heavy competition. The chance of winning under these two categories is quite remote.

The best way to win is to nominate her for wanting to go to school while being a girl while living in Pakistan. The living in Pakistan bit makes all the difference!! That is the crucial competitive advantage which elevates a grumpy schoolkid who trudges to school to a shot-in-the-head nobel-peace-prize-worthy winner in life!!

This unique geostrategic nobel peace prize winning competitive advantage should be exploited to the fullest by Pakistan. The next demand should be nobel peace prize for “Being a journalist while living in Pakistan”. Saleem Shahzad and Hamid Mir would heartily qualify. We could also expand the pool to include “people who went to pray while being an Ahmadi while living in Pakistan”. This nomination is sure to defeat others who were nominated for simply “going to pray” or “going to pray while being an Ahmadi”. To better the winning chances, we could also expand the nomination process to include nobel peace prize for “Going on a procession while being a shia while living in Pakistan”. Which would beat everyone else who go on processions, and all Shia nominees in other countries.

Or we could simplify it and simply appeal to the nobel peace prize committee to award all their prizes to Pakistani people going about their daily business while living in Pakistan, because living in Pakistan requires real courage and elevates “going about their daily business” to a Nobel peace prize winning level.

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6 thoughts on “Appeal to Nobel Peace Prize Committee to Award All Their Prizes to Pakistani People Going About Their Daily Business While Living in Pakistan (and Malala)

  1. Thank you Major. This is indeed a most perspicacious assessment. Could you not please write more for The New York Times and other esteemed organs?

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